701
مجله اینترنتی
زنان و خانواده
کانال دخت ایران
      • An unsuccessful marriage is a miscarriage from which many unfortunately suffer; as opposed to a successful marriage that makes life a blessing indeed

         

        The discussion that follows is about a draft proposal about the semi-independent family which presents newly-wed couples solutions to cope with their financial and marital problems


        Based on the proposal, a semi-independent family is a newly-wed couple which, because of financial problems - a result of may what be a low income, no house or no occupation at all - comes and lives with the family of either spouse, or, in another case, each spouse lives with their respective family – semi-independently - until it is realized that the young couple can stand on their own feet and start a new life – financially independent – in a separate house


        The main goal of the proposal is to prepare young couples for a challenging life ahead. Although the proposal sets several other objectives such as increasing the rate of marriage among young boys and girls in society, decreasing the rate of psychological and social problems due to delayed marriage, financially supporting young couples before living separately, teaching young couples marital skills, etc., still there is this fear that the couple may lose their sense of independence and always rely on their parents for everything, and the fact that the question until when? looms large in the mind of the couple is something to be taken into consideration


        There are different forms of financial support provided by parents for young couples; though this is according to the social, educational, geographical and, most importantly, financial status of the family of each spouse. The support can be either paying for the wedding ceremony or the dowry of the bride, of other kinds of help to get the young family going. But the idea that a young couple live with the family of either spouse or each spouse live with their respective family until complete independence is debatable; the very fact that such a situation comes at the expense of having no independence and no privacy.            

        INDEPENDENCE

        When two people get married, their first impression is to live independently under one roof. But what will happen if they do not live independently and instead, based on the aforementioned proposal, live with their parents?


        Independence is the freedom and ability to make your own decisions in life, without having to ask other people for permission, help, or money; and the reason we mention this is because independence  - in its many forms - is an issue a young couple, especially the husband, will always try to maintain


        Suppose a newly-wed couple start their life in either spouse is house, it is inevitable that the father will put his hand in his pocket and pay for the bread and butter on the kitchen table, indicating to his son - the newly-wed independent-seeker - to keep his money in his pocket because he’ll be needing it in the future. But how is the poor guy going to learn how to become responsible? This will leave the young man in a state of uncertainty whether he is responsible for his family affairs, and whether he is financially independent. Such a feeling will eventually cause problems between husband and wife, with the latter, for instance, complaining she does not want to be fed by her husband s father; thus, belittling and degrading the husband. This in turn will have a long-term effect on their marital status; hence, in its worst case there will be a divorce.
         The solution here is that if the parents really do want to help, why not help the young couple find a decent house and have them live separately but at the same time support them financially through paying for the rent or the lease. By that, the parents are sure they have helped the couple and at the same time not taken away their drive for independence. Young couples need some independence to make them fit for life and to pass it on to the next generation.             


        PRIVACY
        Another issue of concern for young couples is privacy. Newly-weds are always trying to find some time or even make some time in their busy lives to spend some private quality time with their loved one, and to see either spouse is parents hanging around would not be the ideal situation


        Yes, you might have guessed; the sweet story of the birds and the bees and the very fact that they too need a small, quiet and private rose bush so they can go out big, loud and public together, without the eyes and ears of - you know - the others


        Besides a successful sex life, privacy gives a man and woman some time to discover each other is character, attitudes, likes and dislikes, interests, concerns, etc. in order for them to adapt to each other. Once privacy is taken away from a couple, it will result in some sort of sexual deprivation; hence, the couple will tend to take out their different feelings of bitterness on each other, because one of their urgent needs – sex – has been suppressed or not fulfilled completely

          
        Mankind has many different needs all of which must be satisfied; and one need is to make love with his mate in absolute privacy, a situation which can come about in a separate house and far from the eyes and ears of parents. Just ask yourself where the couple can go and have some privacy if they were in a parent’s house. They would probably have to wait until the parents go out for dinner or to a friend’s house to have some privacy; but parents don’t always go out of the house. So, that’s when a separate house is a need indeed. And again, if the couple does suffer from financial problems in their separate apartment, the parents can help them out with the rent but not by having the couple live under their direct supervision.
         
        CONCLUSION
        After all of what’s been said, the solution to solving this crisis is to provide young couples with a separate house, but at the same time supervise them from a distance. It’s like raising a child and teaching it some courage and independence; you let it climb the ladders but stand behind it in case it falls. The fact is a child should know their parents are there for them; that’s the key to independence.
         
        However, a separate house doesn’t mean it has to be kilometers away from where the parents live; it could be a few steps away – the second floor to where the parents live


        If parents do have the financial power to help the young couple, that is fine, but if not, the government can intervene and provide such an opportunity for young couples who come from a poor background or have no parents at all. The government can either provide houses - through major construction projects, for example building ۱,۰۰۰ blocks to house a thousand couples - or pay for the rent of a house that a young couple has found more convenient for itself - this is possible by the government setting a ceiling on the rent, for example paying rents of up to ۱۵۰ dollars a month, and then reclaiming it through low-interest installments two years later


        Still there is a lot more to think about and many more solutions out there that may not have occurred to this humble writer. If you have anything to offer we would be deeply grateful to have them sent to us.
         


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